fulllifeconsequences

[And just where was Toriel, while all this was going on at her room? Off in the kitchen, making a pie so that Chara could have a nice treat. She figured that they could use one, after... well. Everything that has been happening recently.

She hesitates for a moment when she sees Frisk there, just... standing silently in front of her door. It's ever so slightly mildly unsettling, but. She should still greet them.]

Ah, um... hello there, Frisk. Are you feeling any better?

Did you want to talk to Chara?

[That is probably why they'd be here, isn't it? Maybe they were working up the courage to knock.]

Yeah. You're doing so great for yourself.

[The difference between matter-of-fact and sarcastic observation is just a slight tonal twist.]

It didn't work with Asriel. It won't work with me.

[It's only a matter of time before she comes. Frisk stands, smoothly, and brushes off their shorts, completely unnecessarily.]

Yes. But I don't think they want to talk back today.

[They incline their head faintly at her. Keep your distance. She doesn't want much to do with you.]

Thank you.

Sarcasm isn't funny.

Nor is your insistence on using Asriel against me, for that matter. Remind me how constantly bringing up my miserably-failed attempts at forming relationships with others is supposed to make me want to rekindle one with you?

That's not what I meant.

[And you know it, Chara.]

You told everyone he didn't want to see you. He didn't care, right? But we both know that was wrong. You left and refused to talk to him, and it just hurt him and everyone else.

[A lift of their eyebrow, vaguely hinting at their exasperation.]

Chara, I love you, but you can be such a butt sometimes. You can keep pretending there's no way people can love you, but it's not true.

Yes, Chara can be a little, ah... They have not taken what happened very well. When they moved in I mean, not... mm.

[There have been too many bad things happening, recently.]

Anyway, you apparently agreed with their proposal to move out, but. I do not believe you were quite in your right mind at the time, so. I think that Chara would appreciate hearing that you did not truly mean it, and that you forgive them for whatever happened. Er, assuming that is true, of course, if you do not forgive them, then that would be... well, understandable. Just, ah... yes.

[Toriel is... really screwing this up. No surprises there. She's going to feel even worse when she learns that they already tried to talk about what she's suggesting and that it went poorly.]

[She's trying very hard, isn't she?

She really is better than they deserve, hah.

Frisk allows themself a tiny smile. A sad one, but - she's talking to them, and doesn't despise them down to their SOUL. She would be allowed to, wouldn't she? Or is that just the kind of thinking that got Chara separating themself from Frisk in the first place?

Probably, yes. Frisk doesn't know how to love very well.]

I didn't have any determination. I wasn't really...myself, no.

[Chara would appreciate it. They might have appreciated it back when there was something to salvage.]

They don't seem to want to believe it yet. It's okay.

I can visit later.

Ah. You two already talked, then.

[Yep, Toriel feels even worse, now.]

Well. I am certain that if you give it some time, then things may improve. You have both been through a great deal of hardship, recently.

...Here. I do not really need a slice for myself, and I am sure that you could use something nice.

[She steps closer, offering one of the two plates of butterscotch cinnamon pie that she'd made out to Frisk.]

I may not be able to- nevermind. Just... enjoy, please.

[Toriel has a wry smile, before shaking her head, trying to dispel those thoughts. Frisk does not need to hear about how Toriel has never actually protected or saved a child in her life, and that the most she can really hope to do is make nice treats. That's something at least, right?]

[This is stupid. Only reason Asriel was hurt was because someone immediately decided not to keep their promise. Refused to let them actually be gone. Arguing, too, feels pointless. Been over that too many times.]

Maybe you would do well to take the hint, then. I am not saying that you don't love me. I'm saying that I do not love you, whatever you may insist. You cannot dictate what I feel or what I want, no matter how insistent you seem to be that you know it better than I do.

[Oh. She...

She didn't make it for them in mind. They have to tell themself. She just made it because, and she made it for Chara, and they just happened to happen by at the right moment, and their paths crossed. That's all.

It's like how they...they shouldn't expect that she could have known they were coming, somehow. A child-shaped hole in her life, all ready to insert Frisk into her narrative. There's no reason to believe it.
A room all ready for them, of their very own.
For a moment, Frisk's careful and distant mask slips.
Like she'd known.
There's an unmistakable wistfulness painted on their face, just for a moment.]

[...

...it passes. They smile, politely, and accept the plate. Resist the urge to hug it close to their chest like a talisman (that's gross, Frisk, ew) and instead simply bob their head in quiet thanks.]

Thank you. Th - [A hitch in their voice. A swallow, and it, too, passes.] Thank you very...very much.

[And still, they do not close the door. They must know how easily that would - hurt their fingers, give rise to so many memories that will boil beneath their skin. That's something. It's not very much at all, but it is something. They hold fast to it.

They always hold fast to it.]

But you seem to think that you know what I want more than I do. Seeing as my "real" partner must be...some other Chara, I guess.

Because you decided it must be.

Please, do not worry about it. Simply let me know if there is anything else that you need, Frisk. I do not know how much I will be able to help, but I am here.

[At least she did something, anyway. At least Frisk seems to have been cheered up a bit, thanks to that pie.

It feels... nice. Even if it isn't anything big, it's nice to help.]

[It shouldn't make them want to cry, just hearing it, seeing it from her. And they want to rush forward and hug her, hug her so tightly and never let go, just to feel warm and content and safe for a moment, but -

But that would be creepy.

They have to blink their eyes shut to keep the warmth from spilling out down their cheeks. Duck their head. But they're still smiling.]

I...thank you. And...and you too. I'm sorry I couldn't help Chara before. You shouldn't -

[A deep breath. They don't need to make this harder than it is. What's wrong with you, Frisk?]

You shouldn't have to lose anyone else.

You can't have it both ways, Frisk. The LOVE-hungry threat that was so eager to tear down anyone it saw... was that me, or was it not? Exactly who were you trying to become when you stole one of my shirts?

[Can't keep trying to bend reality to fit what they want it to be. Can't act like none of what happened matters, can't just - can't undo this. They're not going to just brush it off. Not when the consequences were this heavy. Can't keep things poised in this in-between state, with the door neither open nor shut.

And that's all it is, after all. Chara's the one at fault, so they have no right to make it about themself, about their selfish, thin-skinned little problems. Boo hoo, the demon that comes doesn't know what it is anymore. Poor baby gets all uncomfortable when their precious safe space recreates them down to the letter, cries a big stupid river about not knowing they're real. Like that's even a problem at all when they nearly tore Frisk apart at the seams, nearly made them compromise on the moral principle they hold dearest: don't kill.]

Please, do not apologize. Whatever happened, it is not your fault.

...That is something that I think you both have in common, really. Sometimes bad things happen, and it is not anyone's fault.

[It might be Toriel's fault. But that's beside the point.]

You do not need to blame yourselves.

[They need someone to blame, of course. And Chara has to have it be themself. Of course. All the time. It's far, far easier to punish themself than to punish anyone else. It's far easier to hate themself.

Frisk knows that as well as anyone.]

It was something that could have been. Would have been. But wasn't.

Am I to blame for the things my Mirror does?

[Chara made it clear that they weren't, a long time ago. Maybe it wasn't so long ago, but it - hah, it certainly feels it, doesn' it?]

You know how Wonderland works. It reflects things, but it distorts them too. It's a funhouse mirror.

[And here's the punchline:

In this case, it worked.]

[But they're so good at it, aren't they?

Ha...yeah. They are awfully good at it. They can blame themself so easily. Someone to thrust those consequences upon, because the lack of someone to blame means there's never any outlet, no channel through which their desire for justice can be funneled.]

If one of us goes, the other has to. That's...how it is with us.

[Just like old times, ha ha. But more important is the way things have the possibility to go.]

Just...don't blame yourself either. Okay?

Edited 2016-12-12 05:31 (UTC)

...What... do you mean by that, Frisk?

['If one of them goes, the other has to.' That's... Toriel's not sure she wants to hear the answer. She already doesn't like the implications.

Things are even worse than she'd thought. Aren't they.]

You remember how it was in the library.

[An oblique reference, but they know the must remember. She must, because they remember it very well. It was the moment when things began to turn to something a little better, if only nominally.]

That...never really went away.

...Something happened to you as well. And Chara...

[Of course it never went away. Toriel knew that. Those feelings were still there. They don't disappear so easily. But... she didn't know that it applied here, in this situation.

Chara had lied to her about what happened to them.

It wasn't just a tragic accident.

They needed someone to be there for them, and Toriel had been doing absolutely nothing.

All her fault.

Toriel should probably finish her sentence. But she doesn't really seem to be quite there anymore- eyes unfocused and pointing at the ground, but not looking anywhere near the floor.]

[Frisk doesn't finish it for her. They shouldn't have told her, maybe - but they didn't lay down a SAVE to fall back on. And either way, they don't have the right to take it away from her.

If she wasn't blaming herself before...

Hah.

Guess Frisk really did fit right in before everything went wrong.]

I guess they saw what happened. It was an accident, when I...

[Why are you still talking, Frisk? Shut up, Frisk. You're making everything worse. Their voice shrinks as they lose momentum, and their eyes hood again.]

You...you couldn't have known.

[Funhouse mirror. Yeah, everyone here's having fun, aren't they?

It really is just that easy for Frisk. For Sans. For everyone. Isn't that big of a struggle to realize there are Other Frisks or Other Charas and sort out whether that even means they're a Chara at all. Don't have to question whether they're the figment of Wonderland and the one who can still exist inside of Frisk's SOUL is the real thing. Their grip on who Chara was... it was thin even before circumstances blew it all to pieces.

They really are the only one who's struggling to grasp it. The only one who can't just be confident they're real at all.

Always were a messed-up one, weren't they?

Always were.]

...It wasn't a funhouse mirror that cracked you into fragments. You can't deny who's to blame for that.

[...Did Frisk say something? Toriel thinks she heard them say something.

It takes a few moments for the words to register in her mind though, to pierce the din of thoughts swirling through her mind, about how this keeps happening, children she tries to watch out for only ever suffer, Frisk and Chara's most recent deaths are just two more to add to the pile, why is it always them, why are they the ones that always have to pay for her mistakes, why does she deserve to still be here, just fine, why-

Stop. Respond to them.]

...Please, do not worry about it. I will be fine.

[Don't need them worrying, or upset. She made them happy for a moment, why does she have to go and ruin that? She already gave them pie, though. Maybe they'd appreciate a hug?

Normally, there's that lingering fear and worry, remembering what happened right before she arrived here when she gets too close to them- and it's still there. But for some reason, it doesn't seem to be a deterrent at all right now, as she takes a knee, reaching out slowly to give them a gentle embrace.]

Edited 2016-12-12 06:36 (UTC)

[They open their mouth to refute the words, because she's not fine, she's not fine at all, but then they -

They have her arms around them. It's something - it's different, it's different, it's so different and they've never felt it like this, not in so long and their heart thuds sickeningly in their chest because it doesn't matter if she's hesitant, if they can tell how she's still not sure what to make of them, how she must be so afraid at the moment, but they set the plate down - gently, set it down - and then, slowly, tremblingly, they -

They hug her back. They're afraid, and she's afraid, and nothing about any of this is okay. But they...they feel safe.

She has them.

She's got them.

There's a new tingle gathering in the corners of their eyes. When they finally speak, it's halting, and the short intake of breath is like a knife to their esophagus, but the words are shaking, agonizing, aching with the sense of longing that has, just for a moment - abated.]

...thank you.

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