fulllifeconsequences

I'm not asking you to play messenger. Forget the distant future. I was asking if you wanted to... I don't know. You sounded kind of lonely and desperate when you first sent me like 11 messages at once.

You know what? Forget it.

I am scared. And lonely. And I do n't want to feel this way but I don't know what else to do. I can't make you do anything and I shouldn't anyway.

But I don't know what else to do.

If you don't spring some kind of ill-thought-out ambush or something, and if you don't talk about it... I'll come see you, alright? You'll feel better. We'll both see we're okay, and it won't even feel like a big deal for you anymore. We can... sort it out a little better, I guess.

[It feels like a mistake. They don't want to do this. They want to stop being in control and functional and just crumble somewhere nobody's going to see it. They type it out and hit send anyway.]

[Honestly, it's a big step up from how things were before. They'll take it.]

Alright.

Thanks.

Take care of yourself.

[A message left on Chara's phone, when nobody picks up.]

Hello, my child- it has been a few days now since I last saw you... I have been respecting your space, but you did say I could call you, so! I am calling you.

I suppose you are busy right now- please consider calling me back, though. I am just a little worried, is all.

Goodbye.

Edited 2016-06-13 00:12 (UTC)

[Another message is left, about half an hour later.]

Hello, Chara. I am just calling to confirm that you got my last message. I expected you to call back by now... Perhaps you got distracted by something.

Please get in touch with me again- you can send a text, if you would prefer not to talk over the phone. I know some people are uncomfortable with that.

Goodbye.

[Only twenty minutes this time- actually waiting on something like this is causing her to worry a great deal more than she had been before she decided to give them a call- but again, the ringing goes unanswered.]

Hello again, Chara. I am just... calling to say hello.

You know, you might consider changing the message on your answering machine. "Speak" is a little... bare. It could stand to be more polite.

Goodbye.

[Ten minutes, and Chara's phone will recieve a text this time.]

Dear Chara,

Hello, my child. It's Toriel- I thought that perhaps your phone might not be receiving calls right, so I sent a text instead!

[...Need something else to say. Give them something to respond to, maybe they'll be more likely to answer then.]

I am going to stop by the library in a bit- you have been here longer than me. Are there any books you would recommend? Or perhaps you would like me to get one for you?

[That might be a good idea, really- if they don't call back, she'll need to try and take her mind off this. She can't keep calling Chara all day long, hoping that they pick up. The library will probably be a relaxing place, right?]

Please let me know.

Sincerely, Toriel.

[He's seen Chara on the network and had been waffling over doing this for a long, long while. But... well. He and Frisk had talked. It was probably important for them to realize he was here, he knew they were here too, and maybe. Make the first step towards something.]

h owdy ch

[He's thrown down his phone but his claw accidentally hits 'send'.]

[It's him.

Oh god, it's him.

They're not ready. They don't even see this until it's been a while, because their phone's been off, because... ha ha. They're... not braced for this. They're just not. They think of all those utter nobodies on the Wondernet, claiming they were hiding because they were scared. They think about how they laughed, how hilarious it was that nobody understood at all.

But now, they're terrified. Scared to death of 1.3 words sitting on their screen.

They should delete it. Pretend they never saw it. Keep trying to be gone. Shove their phone at Frisk and tell them to answer instead? Pretend he got a wrong number? Use this to apologize, to tell him they're trying, they're going to adhere to the way he's chosen to understand what happened, they're going to honour his wishes this time? Try to get everything out there in the open all at once, because surely he won't actually answer, surely nothing will happen and nobody will come. Drive him away with all the angriest, bitterest things they can think to say, make their world go emptier by force because then neither of them has to hurt?

They don't know. They don't know what to do.

They have to answer somehow. They have to do something. All that time a lonely, desperate flower called them, and there was no response... they can't... if he's calling them, they have to. They have to. It's cruel to be here when he's let go, when he's asked them to let go too, when they've already been gone for a long time. But it's crueller, right? To not respond when someone calls out?

Every letter feels like a struggle. Their hands feel shaky. But they have to. Just one word. Just one. An answer.]

Greetings.

[His phone buzzes. He realizes what he's done and there's a response and... it takes awhile. He sits in the grass, staring at the device, as if that one little tiny buzz was the most insulting thing to ever grace his presence. His locket's still on the ground, and a few crumbs of pie he was alive now he did have to eat, all next to that phone.

His arms wrap around himself and he's shaking, snuffling, on the verge of tears again what a crybaby! and it's hard to see the message at first, through blurry eyes. One claw moves to shakily grasp it, fumbling with it, and he almost drops it again as a finger hovers over the keyboard.

How long has it been, has it really been? Aside from the resets, all those children, the bad timelines, the good ones, the okay ones over and over and over.

Chara's alive. Really, really alive. They responded. He has to say something.]

hjow are yoou

[He hits send before he can reprimand himself for seeming like a sniveling mess.]

Edited 2016-06-13 03:22 (UTC)

["How are you?"

They wonder if it would be rude to answer with "lol." It's exactly the sort of question where they'd laugh instead of answering, because a laugh obviously means something good, so nobody has to think about it.

They're not okay. He was everything to them, and now that he's here they're slowly pulling themselves to pieces. They've unravelled so badly it's making Frisk's edges fray too, smothering them under unlivable pressure to fix an insurmountable mess. This family seems too broken, too hopelessly ruined. How are they even supposed to... this is stupid! What, they're just gonna have inane little small talk? After everything that's happened? After everything Chara's done?

They're impeccably skillful at faking it. But they just... they can't fake it. Not right now.]

You must be terrified. Your typing is a mess.

[Ha! Terrified! Haha! He's shivering with fear. But he can't let Chara know. Not again. Can't be desperate or pleading because it makes them mad. They turn the knife on him. Can't remember what happens next but he just wakes up again.

Always the same.]

I Im fine.

[Stick to text for now. They'll see where he is. Come after him. He doesn't want that. Not yet.]

You don't have to lie to me.

[Fine. Yeah, okay, sure. He's probably doing great right now.]

I know you're scared. I have not forgotten what I did.

[Of course they wouldn't. He hasn't either. Why does it need to be said? But he doesn't... know which timeline Chara's from. They could be from the bad one. They could be just before his own final moments. Or when he encouraged the both of them to go haywire on the entire Underground.]

im nnot scared. cant be.

[He doesn't have a SOUL, right? Can't feel anything, right? So why was he shaking so much?]

are you ok

[How are you? Are you okay?

All these questions there's no happy answer to. Why even bother asking them? This time, they really do just...]

lol

[It's not funny.

They send another a moment later, even if they think they really shouldn't.]

You were scared when you were empty. You cried when you were empty. You cared about Frisk when you were empty. You asked me to let them be happy when you were already empty again.

[He remembers it all. It's not like he could fool Chara, say he didn't, be as good as--

No. Not manipulating. Knowing the right thing to say. But he doesn't remember that last part. Asking them to let Frisk be happy? Maybe a timeline he hadn't encountered. A glitch, a bug, something.

How much did they know? How careful did he need to be?]

you were there.

[Too blunt. Too soon. But he sends it anyway, before sending another;]

or maybe you're not from that time. i dunno. i ssaid a lot of stuff.

I am from the same timeline as Frisk. I'm their Chara.

[Theirs. Like they're a possession. (Ha. That's a pun.) Like there's a filing cabinet crammed full of demons who come when people call their names. Like maybe they're not Asriel's Chara, or they weren't the previous Asriel's Chara. They don't even know if the flower who was here before and the boss monster that were here now are the same person. Maybe one is from the other's future. Maybe he's only a True Reset away from becoming one or the other.]

Whatever they told you they remember, that is what I remember. Our last timeline was the perfectly happy one.

[Fantastic. So they know. They know every word of what he'd said and his claws shake even more, barely able to keep hold on the phone.]

tthey said you were r eally there the whole toime and not in the bad ones but the good ones too and you still

saw me

at the end

[Thanks, Frisk. Really did a great job on that "don't tell him" promise. Gave him all the juicy gossip, didn't you?

They sort of consider lying. Maybe it's already too late for that. Just admitting they were there had been enough to drive him to shut them out utterly when he was here as Flowey. It's surely going to happen again. Maybe it would be easier to just... let him decide, and agree with whatever his interpretation was. It hasn't actually helped, has it, to let the lines blur? Maybe everything would have been so much less painful if they had fought harder to keep insisting they were the one who did the bad things and Frisk was the one who did everything good.

Well. What's done is done now, right?]

They were telling the truth. You were the last thing I saw.

i said a lot of stuff imm sorry i'm just

i hadn't seen you in so longn and

when i did you were

sccary

[Ha. He's panicking again, isn't he? Desperate. Just spouting out words. He should leave them alone, stop responding, just. Stop, altogether. Flowey had disappeared before, hadn't he? Maybe somehow he could do it again.]

Don't apologize.

[They're so sick of "I'm sorry." They hate that it's coming from him when he isn't even the one who messed up. He was the one who had good intentions, right? He was the one who didn't want to hurt anyone. He was the one who knew it would just start a war. He was the one who got to make up for it, break the barrier, set everything right again. Why is he apologizing?

...Fear, probably. Still begging, still thinking he has to be useful to Chara. Pathetic, right?]

You were right. You are right. I'm not at all surprised my actions lead to this conclusion.

[Not now that there's been think to think it over. Not after two soulless beings looked to Frisk for guidance, asked them to prove that "kill or be killed" wasn't the answer, that it was possible to find an answer that didn't mean heartbreak and loss. Not after Frisk really did prove it.]

[He's scared of Chara. This is stupid. Chara wa-- is his sibling. His best friend. To fear something meant you hated it, and he could never hate Chara. He might not have agreed with their plan, what they both did at the time, but nothing after that was any better. Kill or be killed. Tormenting so many, murdering them just because he was curious.

Again and again and again. Chara was just there, probably either helping Frisk or guiding them down the path to destruction. And the latter had been because he'd welcomed it, encouraged it.]

no. no i'm the scary one.

always the flower that tries to kill you when you wake up.

always laughs at you when you almost do.

[Calmer now. Think. Think it through.]

probably pushed you enough to do it.

then we get to the eend

[They're... afraid. No, not afraid. They left fear behind with all their other emotions. But there's a sick, suffocating feeling squirming through their insides. They dread this. They feel like they're standing on the brink of that yawning, bottomless pit, only this time there's nothing happy waiting for them at the bottom. This time, they just fall forever. Never landing, never achieving that bone-shattering impact. Just falling.

Chara doesn't think they can do this right now. But they... ha ha. Being fragile is a luxury. Being a crybaby is a luxury. They don't get to make excuses. They don't get to not be strong enough. They aren't above consequences. They don't get to pretend "but I didn't reach a timeline where" or "but I haven't yet" mean anything. Those are right up there with "I didn't mean to" or "I'm sorry." Stupid nothing-words that don't alter the results of your actions. No looking away from what your choices have wrought, are creating, will someday in your inevitable future come to pass.

They think of a story they once loved. Two lovers, the cauldron of hell, ha ha. The copy in their backpack, the one that the first Asriel to arrive here gave to them.

I wanted it to end, and quickly, but for now I would go see Yuichi. Hear everything he had to say, in detail. But what good would that do? What could come of it? It was not a question of hoping for anything. It would mean being flooded with an even more gigantic despair. Utterly devoid of hope, I rang the doorbell.]

The dustiest timeline.

Tell me what happens. Tell me what I do to you.

[He can never remember. He never knows if he dies or the whole world is just reset but it all just stops. Sometimes he thinks he can feel the knife coming down, ripping his tiny little flower body into bits and pieces. He doesn't even scream. Or maybe that's just those weird timelines where Frisk spares everyone else but kills him, in the end.

No matter what, he always comes back. He always remembers.

But here? Strange. Terrifying. Annoying.

Again, the text scrolls very, very slowly.]

Please don't kill me.

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