fulllifeconsequences

I don't understand.

What am I supposed to be without you?

Shouldn't make this about you again. Sorry. I'm not sure who else I can talk to about this. It hurts a lot now having to live with it. I don't have any LOVE and not having determination was a little like not having any LOVE. Except worse I guess.

I was never in control after all.

I just wonder what I really am without you.

Is it like a me without determination?

It feels like it sometimes.

Were we always going to end up like this? A Chara who falls last is still unhappy. A Frisk who falls first still gets Asriel killed. Was it fate that made all of this happen? I don't understand. I don't understand

Is this what we were always going to be? Am I doomed? Are you doomed? Are we all just doomed all the time?

Was I always going to fall and were you always goign to fall? What if instead it was a knife or something from the kitchen - and theres that word again

It would have been easy. Easier than climbing a mountain. We never like things easy though. Is that what drew us together? Is this just us hurting ourselves over and over?

I can't believe that. I can't believe that

You're still the only good thing I ever

Yuichi and I are climbing a narrow ladder in the jet- black gloom. Together we peer into the cauldron of hell. We stare into the bubbling red sea of fire, and the air hitting our faces is so hot it makes us reel. Even though we're standing side by side, even though we're closer to each other than to anyone else in the world, even though we're friends forever, we don't join hands. No matter how forlorn we are, we each insist on standing on our own two feet. But I wonder, as I look at his uneasy profile blazingly illuminated by the hellish fire, although we have always acted like brother and sister, aren't we really man and woman in the primordial sense, and don't we think of each other that way? But the place we are in now is just too dreadful. It is not a place where two people can create a life together,

Although I had been earnestly daydreaming until then, I suddenly started to laugh. "I see two lovers looking over the edge of the cauldron of hell. Are they contemplating a double suicide? This means their love will end in hell." I couldn't stop laughing.

I was certainly no fortune-teller.

Edited 2016-12-14 20:43 (UTC)

Was our LOVE always going to end in hell?

Kids like us...

Can we succeed where Orpheus failed?

I think you've already spent your time in hell too.

I'll talk to you soon.

Good morning, Partner.

Time to get dressed and begin another day.

Everything is very white. It's like Snowdin almost. Even the lights and the trees are white.

Is there anything you were wanting for Christmas? I never got to ask you before. I suppose I will have to guess now.

I hope I guess right!

I miss the sound of your voice. The room still has your bed in it. It's almost just like how it was when you were living here. You never put anything up on the walls so I can pretend sometimes.

I keep asking you what you want for Christmas until I remember you're not there anymore.

That's okay though.

I guess I kept thinking this would happen. One day I'd do something so terrible no one would forgive me. And everyone keeps saying it's for my own good, and that's why they're gone. I guess they all know what I need better than I do.

I hurt you very badly, didn't I?

It's ok, ha ha. You don't have to answer. It's time to play that game again, that's all.

I have to figure out which parts of this were my fault and which ones are you thinking that you're too terrible to be around.

Shepard brought me cupcakes the other day. They tasted really good.

I hope you're still talking to her. She's nice.

There's something that always bothered me about the story of Icarus. People keep treating it like it's some great story about pride and folly. Get too close to the sun and you die, right?

But I'm looking at one of the stories now. There's something everyone keeps missing.

Icarus was only a boy. Maybe only our age. Maybe younger.

Daedalus's son, Icarus, stood next to him, and, not realising that he was handling things that would endanger him, caught laughingly at the down that blew in the passing breeze, and softened the yellow bees’-wax with his thumb, and, in his play, hindered his father’s marvelous work.

He instructed the boy as well, saying ‘Let me warn you, Icarus, to take the middle way, in case the moisture weighs down your wings, if you fly too low, or if you go too high, the sun scorches them. Travel between the extremes. And I order you not to aim towards Bootes, the Herdsman, or Helice, the Great Bear, or towards the drawn sword of Orion: take the course I show you!’ At the same time as he laid down the rules of flight, he fitted the newly created wings on the boy’s shoulders. While he worked and issued his warnings the ageing man’s cheeks were wet with tears: the father’s hands trembled.

He gave a never to be repeated kiss to his son, and lifting upwards on his wings, flew ahead, anxious for his companion, like a bird, leading her fledglings out of a nest above, into the empty air. He urged the boy to follow, and showed him the dangerous art of flying, moving his own wings, and then looking back at his son. Some angler catching fish with a quivering rod, or a shepherd leaning on his crook, or a ploughman resting on the handles of his plough, saw them, perhaps, and stood there amazed, believing them to be gods able to travel the sky.

And now Samos, sacred to Juno, lay ahead to the left (Delos and Paros were behind them), Lebinthos, and Calymne, rich in honey, to the right, when the boy began to delight in his daring flight, and abandoning his guide, drawn by desire for the heavens, soared higher. His nearness to the devouring sun softened the fragrant wax that held the wings: and the wax melted: he flailed with bare arms, but losing his oar-like wings, could not ride the air. Even as his mouth was crying his father’s name, it vanished into the dark blue sea, the Icarian Sea, called after him. The unhappy father, now no longer a father, shouted ‘Icarus, Icarus where are you? Which way should I be looking, to see you?’ ‘Icarus’ he called again. Then he caught sight of the feathers on the waves, and cursed his inventions. He laid the body to rest, in a tomb, and the island was named Icaria after his buried child.

He was just a boy. A boy playing with matches who burned the house down. He didn't even know what he was doing when it happened. He wasn't proud or arrogant. He was playing, and then he fell to his death.

I'm beginning to think he was lucky.

I'm so tired, Partner.

When will I get to sleep?

[The thuds and swears are vaguely worrying and he winces at a few of them. When Chara emerges Mettaton emotes a blatant look of relief to see them in one piece, even if they look haggard and worn. He is certainly the type to judge the fashion choices of others in public, but when it comes to friends he’s… a little more lenient. Especially when he was half-convinced he might not see them again.]

Toriel is not who I was looking for, no, but I wouldn’t mind talking to her eventually.

[They haven’t spoken much outside of events and he personally thinks he still deserves an apology for Neverland. But that’s beside the point.]

I was hoping to see you. Are you all right?

[They’re not all right, clearly, evidenced by how messy their current look is, but it’s polite to let someone lie to you first before you tear into them with the truth.]

Same as I've ever been, buddy.

[They have probably never, once, in their entire life, been all right. Can't be that when you were born inherently wrong! But it's cool. They're upright, they're as close to tidy and pleasing to look at as hastily lurching out of bed at like 3pm will allow them to be, and they've got a bright, cherubic smile on their face. What more could anyone ask for, right? They're functional and they're smiley. They can be useful. That's everything that counts.]

Bright-eyed, bushy-tailed, and also an existential nightmare. Couldn't be better if I tried!

But you're not here just to ask that. Hoping to entice me to ask for another flirting lesson, perhaps?

[Once again, Chara wrangles another smile out of Mettaton, grinning wryly at them as he thinks of how to broach this.]

Shouldn't that be the other way around? You asking me for lessons? Last I checked, I thought I was the teacher.

[His eyes drift to the imprint on Chara's cheek and his smile softens once more.]

It looks like nightmares have been getting to you a lot lately, Chara.

[Stupid. Stupid. They got it mixed up. They forgot. They're supposed to be smarter. On the ball. Calculating. Where is all their focus?

Ha, ha. They know exactly where it is. Their purpose, their willpower, their strength... they left all that when they left Frisk. Their month-long facade of functionality is just starting to fray at the edges, at last.

Well. Can't let that happen. Bootstraps, Chara. Tough it out, Chara. Suck it up.]

I don't have nightmares, [They lie, cheerily, vaguely unsettled that he would deduce something like that - not knowing in the least that it's literally written on their face.

They're maybe being a little too cheery, in fact. It sounds a bit on the strained, taut side.]

Look, just... get to the point, won't you? Why are you here?

[The cupcake finally gives way from the wall and Shepard has to sit down. The cupcake plate is sitting beside her as she leans back against the wall in heaving laughter. Oh my god. Holy shit this is remarkable. Perfect comedic timing.

Chara makes their suggestion and she finally gets to her feet, picking up one of the cupcakes from the plate on the floor.]

Okay, okay, hang on. Let me try this.

[She steps back as far as she can to give a good angle, and wings the thing over her shoulder and to the wall- the problem here, of course being, that Shepard is a super soldier and is better at throwing boulders than cupcakes. It hits the wall and outright shatters, crumbs and frosting going everywhere, and she immediately slaps her hands over her mouth, muffling her words. It's on the walls. It's in her hair. It's probably on Chara too.]

Whoops.

[They leave it there without a note, or the remotest indication of who it's from. Chara may doubtless figure it out anyway and subsequently refuse to accept it, but with any luck, Frisk will be long gone before they can draw those lines between the dots.

The parcel contains a number of things, carefully assembled. A chocolate bar. A copy of Kitchen. A scarf, striped in yellow and green, knitted in the moments they spent awake. A jacket, obviously too nice to have been knitted by a beginner, but sewn onto the back, words have been added. Two words, and beneath them, a red heart.

STAY DETERMINED

Thank you, Partner.

Good night.]

* IC Inbox

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text, 12/15 - about 6am

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text, 12/15 - about 1pm

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can you eat it??? is it good???

are you a "prompt tagging??"

maybe?? I think it might be a disease???

yeah sounds about right

they are Wonderful

12/25; gift left outside their room