fulllifeconsequences

[They always keep their back to the wall. Can see who's coming, can kick and bite and scratch if someone tries to pull them out by force. As long as their back's against something, they're far less vulnerable.

But they refuse to look at Frisk. Not much room to roll over down here, so they settle for curling into themself.]

First it isn't my fault, now I need to be forgiven. You're just saying whatever you think will make me like you, aren't you?

[A slight shrug of their shoulders.]

If I don't forgive you, who will?

[Chara certainly won't forgive Chara. Chara still hasn't forgiven Chara for anything: not for a pie, mistakenly made with a fatal ingredient, not for a plan formed with the best intentions that just went all so wrong, and certainly not for anything else that might have happened in the interim.]

[Ha, ha. Good question. Who will? Sans, Toriel, Asgore, Alphys? Mettaton? Asriel?

Nobody will ever forgive them. Nobody except someone who thinks they have to. That it's their job to forgive everyone, no matter what.

Not interested. Doesn't interest them at all.]

I do not recall asking for anyone's forgiveness.

Leave. I did not call you here. I didn't want you here.

But I came anyway.

[An even response, quiet and concise. They'd expected resistance. Chara never goes into anything without a fair amount of resistance, and things have only just begun.]

Maybe you didn't ask for forgiveness. I'm forgiving you anyway.

[A brief pause. Their tone becomes marginally more direct.]

More importantly, you lied to me.

I do not have to accept anything I never wanted in the first place.

[So take your Obligation Forgiveness and shove it. Dismissed. Topic erased.

Onto the next one, then. Lied, huh. They lift their head, just enough to be looking at Frisk's shoes instead of some spot to Frisk's left. Not a response, not a question, not an invitation to explain. They can tell Frisk is going to explain anyway, and it's probably going to be dripping with sentimentality.]

[That's a lie too. It's okay, though. Taking comfort in a lie is something Chara has in common with Alphys, after all.]

You say things like how you didn't care. How you never cared. How our "contract," which we never had, was annulled.

It's a lie. I know you care. You care so much it hurts sometimes. That's why it's safer to pretend not to. Why it's easier to hide and act like it didn't mean anything.

[And then, to cap it off - the opening of a hand, the drifting of a deep red SOUL bobbing a few inches above their palm. It lights their irises an even deeper red, igniting the tips of their hair with a scarlet cast.

You remember, Partner. They've felt it beating. They know how it feels.]

You can't lie anymore.

hey kid.
where are you staying these days?
I have something for you.

I hope it's a swift kick in the teeth.

I am staying with Toriel. Room 11. Second floor.

I mean I'm pretty sure I did that already like a month ago.
But I'll see you soon regardless.

[She... made the attempt at baking cupcakes, and then completely gave up on making cupcakes, so she got some from the dining room instead. Triple chocolate. She knows their type.

She arrives quickly, knocking with one knuckle, quietly.]

Chara? It's Shepard.

[They see the crimson glow. Glance up, just long enough to see the cherry-red heart restored to all its usual radiance. Enough to see - to see Frisk's eyes are red.

Their warm dark eyes are gone.

here's a stain now. A color that doesn't belong. Chara-red. The Extraction was supposed to scrape all traces of Chara out. Was supposed to obliterate the infection. How are they still there? They can't still be in there. Can't be the virus taking away one more of the things that made them Frisk, their Frisk.

This... this isn't their Frisk anymore.

They've made sure of that.

They drop their gaze, curl up again. Make no effort to pull out their own SOUL. Don't want to bring that wretched scab anywhere near a SOUL so fragile, so precious, one they almost destroyed already.]

Suppose I cared. Where did that get me?

Got everyone I supposedly cared about killed.

[Takes a minute. Have to pull themselves out from under the bed. Brush dust bunnies off their sweater, rearrange their clothes. Look tidy, look neat.

They open the door.]

You never kicked me. I've been feeling ripped off this whole time.

[They're looking at the ground as they say it, falling back on an instinct they had thought they had long since forced into submission. Avert your eyes when your elders and betters address you. Keep that hideous redness out of sight. They look up, though, remember they're supposed to be defiant.

They see... cupcakes.]

...What are those for?

[She looks confused for a second. Shit. That wasn't them?]

You weren't the one who came at me with a knife on Halloween? Cr-- Uh, oops.

[Well, that's another apology they owe Frisk. Shit. But she glances between the cupcakes and them.]

You? They're apology cupcakes. For the fact that I had to dig splinters out of your stomach a few days back.

[And also she kind of wants to make sure it's not infected or anything. Not like Hell was particularly sterile.]

People are always going to get hurt.

[The people you love especially; they're the ones who end up in the crossfire. Chara looks up, but only briefly. Then they're gone again.

Frisk lets their SOUL drift there. Maybe it's a fool's hope, but they've always been rather good that. Hoping. Holding onto their hopes.]

I never should have put on that stupid costume. I never should have done something like that to you.

You think you're the only one with sins crawling on your back?

[Always going to be hurt, they say, like none of what happened was a big deal. Like destroying a marriage and turning a softhearted king into a serial killer is a normal thing to happen when you adopt someone out of the kindness of your heart. Like death and the all-consuming emptiness that came after it were no big deal for Asriel, didn't matter to Frisk. Like they shouldn't be bothered when they see the wrong color in Frisk's eyes or when they recall the unreal mess on the floor that begged for death, that demanded someone give it what it wants.

They were willing to hunt for LOVE. They died for it. Once again, Chara's influence proved cancerous, terminal. Destroying. They didn't just get hurt - none of them just got hurt. It was so much more than that.]

What you did was harmless.

[Didn't hurt anyone. Chara could pretend to be okay with being a costume. Didn't have to be so weird about not knowing if they were real or not. It was Chara who pushed it to the toxic extreme. Chara who - how did Sans put it? Was so eager to hurt themself that they didn't care who else got hurt, or something like that?]

Are you truly going to equate dress-up to what I did to you?

Don't lie to me, Partner.

[They say it levelly, because What you did was harmless is a cruel lie at best. It's a sickening fulcrum leveled against them, a double-edged standard that equates their actions to those of an innocent while Chara takes the fall. As always, Chara takes the fall.

It's high time someone should catch them instead.]

It was a risk I took at your expense. Neither of us can pretend otherwise.

[The time for excusing their own sins is past. They did wrong. They know they did. They also know that, inevitably - they don't know how to fix it.]

Or is defending yourself only acceptable when I do it?

[Halloween. Oh.

The Chara that Frisk became, they suppose, didn't care about Shepard at all. And Frisk knows them better than anyone else, don't they? Knows better than Chara does, at any rate. Must... ha, guess maybe that means they really don't care, after all. Frisk would never be wrong about Chara, would they?

Good. Safer for everyone. Relieving, in fact, to realize that, because it means they don't have to be uncertain about how they feel about - about this. Cupcakes and apologies for... ha ha, for trying to keep them from bleeding out? If they can tell that they really don't care, that they've just clouded themself up with their stupid bullshit delusions again, then they can just... can see this for what it is. Weird - weird pity, or something? Some kind of obligation? Or a passive-aggressive reminder that they should be doing something for her, because she was stuck digging around in their putrid horrible insides.]

But I don't have anything for you.

[Twists in their stomach weirdly, because it was the same stupid response they had when Frisk tried to give them the Libra Orb that gave them that hateful magic in the first place. Should have known you can't just take, Chara. Should have known you can't just snatch up things when you haven't done a thing to earn them. That's greedy. That bites you in the ass. That sets you up to have the floor pulled out from under you.]

...I'm not hungry. I don't want them.

Edited 2016-12-11 08:11 (UTC)

[It has to have been tough, for both of them. She hasn't seen them in too long. Should've followed up with them sooner, should've found them before it was a body to find. Should've done more. Never does enough. But that's just her for you.]

You don't have to eat 'em now. Or at all. I just wanted to give you something and food's usually easy to get. I tried to bake 'em myself, but uh, I'm not much of a baker.

And uh, talk, if you wanted. After everything. My point still stands from months ago about not wanting to leave you if you need somebody.

[She's not sure they're gonna want at any point. Or tell her that they want at all. But hey, bit by bit. Always worth trying.]

You have no right to call me that.

[It'll be fruitless, they suspect, to argue. To point out that the consequences of Chara's actions vastly outweigh the consequences of Frisk's, that the ripples their careless movements caused were far too disastrous to dare brush off or defend. Determination vs. determination, right? Been a while since they played that.

Ha, ha. Not like they could, after what Chara did to Frisk.

...They argue anyway.]

What would I supposedly be defending myself from? Myself? Whether I win or lose, that's still suicide.

[Funny. The outcome ended up being the same anyway, didn't it? Should have just... refused to fight back. Would have cut a lot of time and hassle out of the picture.]

You didn't do anything bad. The me out here and the me in there were both the ones who forced you into that corner. Weren't they?

[She's... she's being too nice. She's always being too nice. Always sticking her neck out, always trying to offer an "I understand."

It's... ha, it's almost tempting, isn't it? Their resolve has crumbled so sloppily over these months. Things go to pieces, and they run for mother for shelter and a comforting arm. Someone shows up trying to offer more of that stupid, stupid unconditional patience and understanding, and some weak, feeble part of them craves it. Feels positively starved for compassion, for the idea of hearing "it's not your fault" and being able to believe it. Wants to know what it's like to run into open arms and have that feel safe and be allowed to cry even if they're a big kid and just - just -

Disgusting.

They know better. They know better. Look what happened to Asriel. Look what happened to their parents. Look what happened to Frisk. How many more people are they going to ruin before they wise up? Do they really have to destroy someone else, just to make extra-sure they're poisonous?

They don't need it. They don't need it. Holiness, purity - they're about rising above temptation. About self-control, discipline. A firm hand is the only thing you understand, Chara. You'll never be pure, no matter what, but you can at least try to be controlled.]

Go away. I don't need your stupid pity. You think some sweets are going to buy me?

We're Partners.

[They are adamant there. It is indeed fruitless to argue; the wall has been thrown up, the baseline established, and they will not accept any alternative.]

You think you can ERASE my sins? [The words are low and steady, redolent of a latent, heavier meaning.] It was me inside there. I wasn't gone. You know that I wasn't, because you saw me.

I knew the risks. I've seen you meet yourself before. But I did it anyway.

[Poorly-rationalized at best. They hadn't expected that the thing they could turn into could be exceptionally lethal.]

If you want to take the blame for everything that happened, you'll have to try a little harder than that.

That agreement was annulled.

[They refuse to budge. Refuse to let Frisk Reset and undo their choice, set everything back to the way they want it to be. They agreed to this. Chara knows this is just backpedalling.]

I have seen enough of your true self. The way you think when unburdened by the idea you need to be the forgiving saviour. When you are rinsed of that obligation, what is it? "I never wanted you here." You were able to let go without hesitation. You move on without issue.

You donned a green sweater, and you saw a LOVE-hungry, destructive beast. You saw LV 19, and that is what Wonderland made.

You can say whatever you think you're supposed to say, but your actions have spoken clearly enough.

No. It wasn't.

[Frisk isn't budging there either. An agreement can't be annulled if one of the two parties can't even refuse, if they simply lack the capacity and the state of mind to say no.

That's not how it works, and Chara knows it.]

That's what Wonderland saw. That's what it used. We've both been a lot of different things, Partner. [Circumflecting the word with slightly more emphasis than it perhaps requires. A persistent reminder that Frisk will not bow there, nor will they agree, now that they have the state of mind to recognize it, to tear up a contract that never existed in the first place.]

You told me once that you didn't want an angel. You didn't want something perfect.

[And now that they are no longer on a Lethe fixed, they can recall that conversation with perfect clarity.]

Neither do I.

[They blame Wonderland. Ha, of course they do. Wonderland never saw Chara at LV 19, yet it thought that was the most accurate version to recreate?

Guess Frisk is running out of things to blame. No wonder they don't want an angel, right? What they wanted was a demon.]

Stop calling me that. I am no partner of yours. Save that pretty little word for the LV 19 creature you actually wanted to call here.

[They curl up tighter, try to make themself into a mere speck of dust, something so small it takes up no space at all. The faintest molecule of nothingness, or as close to nothingness as the world will let them be.

They're not going back.]

[Didn't answer at all, did they? No. That's what they do when they get to be like this. They steer gamely past, ignoring everything but what they want to see and hear.

They sit down in the doorway, cross-legged. They don't stop calling them that. They don't leave. They don't retreat, not for a second.]

I'm curious, Partner.

[One can never really deter Frisk once they set their mind to something, after all.]

What makes you think you understand what I want better than I do? I thought you hated it when people made assumptions. Or do you simply know best for me?

You can't call me partner then decide I know nothing about you.

[Their voice is muffled, pressed-in as they are. Fact of the matter, though, is that this is Chara knowing best for Frisk, isn't it? Refusing to be a sword for Frisk to fall on. Refusing to let them keep getting hurt and getting hurt ceaselessly by whatever claims to love them. Not wanting them to be hurt anymore.]

Suppose I don't care what you want. Suppose I want you to leave me alone.

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