fulllifeconsequences

[Always going to be hurt, they say, like none of what happened was a big deal. Like destroying a marriage and turning a softhearted king into a serial killer is a normal thing to happen when you adopt someone out of the kindness of your heart. Like death and the all-consuming emptiness that came after it were no big deal for Asriel, didn't matter to Frisk. Like they shouldn't be bothered when they see the wrong color in Frisk's eyes or when they recall the unreal mess on the floor that begged for death, that demanded someone give it what it wants.

They were willing to hunt for LOVE. They died for it. Once again, Chara's influence proved cancerous, terminal. Destroying. They didn't just get hurt - none of them just got hurt. It was so much more than that.]

What you did was harmless.

[Didn't hurt anyone. Chara could pretend to be okay with being a costume. Didn't have to be so weird about not knowing if they were real or not. It was Chara who pushed it to the toxic extreme. Chara who - how did Sans put it? Was so eager to hurt themself that they didn't care who else got hurt, or something like that?]

Are you truly going to equate dress-up to what I did to you?

Don't lie to me, Partner.

[They say it levelly, because What you did was harmless is a cruel lie at best. It's a sickening fulcrum leveled against them, a double-edged standard that equates their actions to those of an innocent while Chara takes the fall. As always, Chara takes the fall.

It's high time someone should catch them instead.]

It was a risk I took at your expense. Neither of us can pretend otherwise.

[The time for excusing their own sins is past. They did wrong. They know they did. They also know that, inevitably - they don't know how to fix it.]

Or is defending yourself only acceptable when I do it?

You have no right to call me that.

[It'll be fruitless, they suspect, to argue. To point out that the consequences of Chara's actions vastly outweigh the consequences of Frisk's, that the ripples their careless movements caused were far too disastrous to dare brush off or defend. Determination vs. determination, right? Been a while since they played that.

Ha, ha. Not like they could, after what Chara did to Frisk.

...They argue anyway.]

What would I supposedly be defending myself from? Myself? Whether I win or lose, that's still suicide.

[Funny. The outcome ended up being the same anyway, didn't it? Should have just... refused to fight back. Would have cut a lot of time and hassle out of the picture.]

You didn't do anything bad. The me out here and the me in there were both the ones who forced you into that corner. Weren't they?

We're Partners.

[They are adamant there. It is indeed fruitless to argue; the wall has been thrown up, the baseline established, and they will not accept any alternative.]

You think you can ERASE my sins? [The words are low and steady, redolent of a latent, heavier meaning.] It was me inside there. I wasn't gone. You know that I wasn't, because you saw me.

I knew the risks. I've seen you meet yourself before. But I did it anyway.

[Poorly-rationalized at best. They hadn't expected that the thing they could turn into could be exceptionally lethal.]

If you want to take the blame for everything that happened, you'll have to try a little harder than that.

That agreement was annulled.

[They refuse to budge. Refuse to let Frisk Reset and undo their choice, set everything back to the way they want it to be. They agreed to this. Chara knows this is just backpedalling.]

I have seen enough of your true self. The way you think when unburdened by the idea you need to be the forgiving saviour. When you are rinsed of that obligation, what is it? "I never wanted you here." You were able to let go without hesitation. You move on without issue.

You donned a green sweater, and you saw a LOVE-hungry, destructive beast. You saw LV 19, and that is what Wonderland made.

You can say whatever you think you're supposed to say, but your actions have spoken clearly enough.

No. It wasn't.

[Frisk isn't budging there either. An agreement can't be annulled if one of the two parties can't even refuse, if they simply lack the capacity and the state of mind to say no.

That's not how it works, and Chara knows it.]

That's what Wonderland saw. That's what it used. We've both been a lot of different things, Partner. [Circumflecting the word with slightly more emphasis than it perhaps requires. A persistent reminder that Frisk will not bow there, nor will they agree, now that they have the state of mind to recognize it, to tear up a contract that never existed in the first place.]

You told me once that you didn't want an angel. You didn't want something perfect.

[And now that they are no longer on a Lethe fixed, they can recall that conversation with perfect clarity.]

Neither do I.

[They blame Wonderland. Ha, of course they do. Wonderland never saw Chara at LV 19, yet it thought that was the most accurate version to recreate?

Guess Frisk is running out of things to blame. No wonder they don't want an angel, right? What they wanted was a demon.]

Stop calling me that. I am no partner of yours. Save that pretty little word for the LV 19 creature you actually wanted to call here.

[They curl up tighter, try to make themself into a mere speck of dust, something so small it takes up no space at all. The faintest molecule of nothingness, or as close to nothingness as the world will let them be.

They're not going back.]

[Didn't answer at all, did they? No. That's what they do when they get to be like this. They steer gamely past, ignoring everything but what they want to see and hear.

They sit down in the doorway, cross-legged. They don't stop calling them that. They don't leave. They don't retreat, not for a second.]

I'm curious, Partner.

[One can never really deter Frisk once they set their mind to something, after all.]

What makes you think you understand what I want better than I do? I thought you hated it when people made assumptions. Or do you simply know best for me?

You can't call me partner then decide I know nothing about you.

[Their voice is muffled, pressed-in as they are. Fact of the matter, though, is that this is Chara knowing best for Frisk, isn't it? Refusing to be a sword for Frisk to fall on. Refusing to let them keep getting hurt and getting hurt ceaselessly by whatever claims to love them. Not wanting them to be hurt anymore.]

Suppose I don't care what you want. Suppose I want you to leave me alone.

I think you should research what the word "partner" means.

[First and foremost, it implies equality. Not distance. Not isolation. Not knowing best for one another. And it took them a long time to reach this point, almost a year of it, and they're not about to abandon the endeavor now.

* You tell the Lost Soul that you won't give up on them, no matter what.]

Clearly you do care about what I want. You wouldn't have left otherwise. You wouldn't have tried to hurt me when you did.

Guess I'm just going to care so hard about what you want that I'm going to keep doing the exact opposite of what you're telling me you want, then.

Frisk, look. You already know I am not a variable you can rearrange to your liking. Just because this outcome does not suit your immediate preference does not mean I am going to pull a 180 on what I have made up my mind to do. You cannot "date" this away.

You don't deserve to feel this way.

[For the first time, their voice sharpens audibly.]

You are my Partner. Not anyone else. Not any other Chara, no matter what it is you might think. You're my Partner, and I need you.

I miss you.

[They still do not look away. Their SOUL still drifts idly on the spot, directionless. Like them.]

And you already know that I'm not the sort of person that gives up very easily. I've had a month to wait, Chara.

It's time to make up for lost time.

[You don't deserve, I need you, I miss you. It's sickening. Why are they being this way? Why are they so desperate to come crawling back to someone who almost hurt them beyond repair? Someone who drove them to death? They're not going to let themself be the least bit upset they went through all that?

No, of course they won't. They'll just keep standing there, their heart literally on their sleeve, because that's what a saviour does, isn't it? Never bears grudges, never thinks about how forgiveness has to be earned and not everyone has to be forgiven. Just solves problems perfectly in a single go, because they've had enough practice runs to know exactly what to say.]

You've had a month to get used to having space to yourself. You'll have several more months of it. I am no longer interested in being your partner, and you cannot force me to be your friend. Can you?

[Going to MAKE them love you, Frisk? For their own good, perhaps? Or for the sake of preserving a perfectly happy ending?]

You made your choice. You do not get to go back on it. Or are you telling me not to hold you accountable for your decisions anymore?

I didn't make that choice, and you know it.

[Their tone is still hard, and their eyes have narrowed, just south of a stern glare.]

You made that choice for me. You said what you wanted to hear. What you thought was true. And I was your humble servant.

[But you forgive me every time. There's no escaping it. They robbed them of that control, took advantage of the fact that they had nothing in their head or their SOUL that would refute a single thing Chara had to say, and took it as truth.

But you will always forgive me.

They'll always forgive you.]

I forgive you.

But none of what you said was true.

We had no contract. There was never a contract, Chara. You didn't help me because you were using me. You didn't help me because you thought you'd get anything out of it.

[A lift of their eyebrows, then. A tilt of their chin.]

Do you understand, Chara?

* ...Do you know why I'm doing this...?
* Why I keep fighting to keep you around...?

[Is it cheating to use a script?

Maybe. But they've always been one to take advantage of the rules, haven't they? They took advantage of every law, and with recent times, they've learned, you see. They've learned exactly what makes up the world, the sprites and pixels, the shift of a flag and a number.

Or perhaps, in the end, they're just a dirty hacker.]

* I'm doing this...
* Because you're special, Chara.
* You're the only one that understands me.

[They're alone, Chara.

They're afraid, Chara.

They need you to let them win.

Please.

Just let them win.]

[Disgusting.

Frisk, too. Everyone does it. It's different when you do it, Chara. The choices they made while part of them was missing? Proof they're evil, proof they're not human. Mistakes they're still responsible for. They don't get to shrug it off with "but I couldn't recognize compassion anymore" or "don't think of that as really me" or "at the time I didn't realize." But Frisk? Oh, their hands are clean. They didn't lose their memories, their ability to love, their powers of logic, but surely they didn't have to use any of those, right? They're helpless. Bent to the whims of a vile, puppeteering demon.

But they're not an angel, they're not above consequences. They summon a Chara that wants nothing but LOVE, but that's not what they think of Chara, right? They're better than that now. They're so much better, in fact, that charitably, benevolently, they forgive Chara. For manipulating them. For forcing them into this against their will, right? Just like they're always doing.

And that's not enough. No, they have to pull from the script. Ha ha, Chara, remember your brother? The one who's gone now? Those words must have hurt, so might as well recycle them for my own purposes! Have to twist Asriel's words, have to turn them against Chara like a weapon. Turning the precious few memories they hold onto into a leash again. They're not behaving, so their attachments get wrenched into the bars of a kennel. Meant to hold them.

Just like the first time they died. How very fitting.

Foolish, though. They know how the script ended. They know what those lines lead to. The one saying them wasn't allowed to win. They were just a build-up to while, Frisk, you... are the type of friend I always wished I had. They were a hollow, stupid lie. Flattery toward someone better, someone more deserving, just with the wrong name thinly painted over it.

Chara uncurls.

The look on their face, though, is nothing short of black, vicious loathing. They shoot out from under the bed with all the sudden fury of a striking viper, reach the door in four sharp, furious strides. Slam it in Frisk's stupid face, with nothing more to say to that ploy than a vehement-]

Go to hell!

[The door slams.

It...

slams.

A slow, sharp inhale, and they turn around. Their SOUL dissipates, sinking back into their chest. They lean up against the door with their head back, their eyes dry, and stare blankly at the ceiling.]

I've already been.

[Quiet words. Maybe Chara can't hear them.]

But Orpheus came anyway.

[They stay there. They don't have anywhere else to be, anything better to do. If Toriel comes back - then she comes back, and they'll deal with that too, when it happens.

Giving up isn't in their vocabulary.]

[* But

nobody

came.]

[And just where was Toriel, while all this was going on at her room? Off in the kitchen, making a pie so that Chara could have a nice treat. She figured that they could use one, after... well. Everything that has been happening recently.

She hesitates for a moment when she sees Frisk there, just... standing silently in front of her door. It's ever so slightly mildly unsettling, but. She should still greet them.]

Ah, um... hello there, Frisk. Are you feeling any better?

Did you want to talk to Chara?

[That is probably why they'd be here, isn't it? Maybe they were working up the courage to knock.]

[It's only a matter of time before she comes. Frisk stands, smoothly, and brushes off their shorts, completely unnecessarily.]

Yes. But I don't think they want to talk back today.

[They incline their head faintly at her. Keep your distance. She doesn't want much to do with you.]

Thank you.

Yes, Chara can be a little, ah... They have not taken what happened very well. When they moved in I mean, not... mm.

[There have been too many bad things happening, recently.]

Anyway, you apparently agreed with their proposal to move out, but. I do not believe you were quite in your right mind at the time, so. I think that Chara would appreciate hearing that you did not truly mean it, and that you forgive them for whatever happened. Er, assuming that is true, of course, if you do not forgive them, then that would be... well, understandable. Just, ah... yes.

[Toriel is... really screwing this up. No surprises there. She's going to feel even worse when she learns that they already tried to talk about what she's suggesting and that it went poorly.]

[She's trying very hard, isn't she?

She really is better than they deserve, hah.

Frisk allows themself a tiny smile. A sad one, but - she's talking to them, and doesn't despise them down to their SOUL. She would be allowed to, wouldn't she? Or is that just the kind of thinking that got Chara separating themself from Frisk in the first place?

Probably, yes. Frisk doesn't know how to love very well.]

I didn't have any determination. I wasn't really...myself, no.

[Chara would appreciate it. They might have appreciated it back when there was something to salvage.]

They don't seem to want to believe it yet. It's okay.

I can visit later.

Ah. You two already talked, then.

[Yep, Toriel feels even worse, now.]

Well. I am certain that if you give it some time, then things may improve. You have both been through a great deal of hardship, recently.

...Here. I do not really need a slice for myself, and I am sure that you could use something nice.

[She steps closer, offering one of the two plates of butterscotch cinnamon pie that she'd made out to Frisk.]

I may not be able to- nevermind. Just... enjoy, please.

[Toriel has a wry smile, before shaking her head, trying to dispel those thoughts. Frisk does not need to hear about how Toriel has never actually protected or saved a child in her life, and that the most she can really hope to do is make nice treats. That's something at least, right?]

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