fulllifeconsequences

[She's... too sharp, too used to... to a certain kind of thinking. Understands "it was a lost cause" is "I am a lost cause," even if they took care to use the more palatable wording. The kind that gives people permission to not think about it too much.

And she just keeps... going. She always keeps going. Says things like that she likes them, that little things can build up, that she knows what it is to lash out at people, to play "anywhere but here," to be a no-future problem child, to be dead and buried and yanked out of your sleep. Things that they - they don't even know how they feel, and that's just disquieting, isn't it?

They... they think they hate it, on some level. Immediately shy away from anyone who says "I get it," because how can anyone understand an incomprehensible inhuman blight like you? The surface had been right every time their parents grabbed and pulled and touched and whispered that nobody would understand this, nobody would understand you, nobody but them. Some other part of them feels - feels some way that they don't know how to define, how to put into words, how to comprehend at all. It's something to do with that vague, formless idea that someone can experience that and still... survive. Grow up. Be something.

A quieter but firmer part of them recognizes something, at least. The lion-hearted protectiveness that is born of having suffered. The will to ensure no other child goes through what you did. The conviction, the vicious heartful prayer that you will be the last one.]

I suppose it's no good to remind you that I will not be a very satisfying or rewarding cause to invest in. You're too determined for that, aren't you?

[She might not understand the finer points of that inner redness, but it's easy for Chara to recognize within her all the same. Souls who don't know when to quit. Souls that overflow with the resolve to change fate.]

...Commander... I made a promise too. Please - don't... don't spread it to anyone. Don't take it the wrong way. Just... understand why it is not your fault I did not make it out in one piece.

[They start to talk without thinking, immediately regret it, can't find a way to claw it back. Hadn't laid down a SAVE. You can't just - tell people these things, Chara. You can't bare that kind of ugliness. That's not normal. That's not cute or pleasing to look at. You just climb a mountain that people simply happen to vanish on. You just happen to get ill out of nowhere. You just happen to be picking flowers by a pond, telling harmless stories about Narcissus.]

[Too determined. She's heard Frisk and Chara throw that word around. She'll have to ask exactly what it's for one day, because she bets there's something poignant behind it's meaning. In the interim, she listens, tries a reassuring smile.]

I'm not good at quitting. But I think you already know that.

[It's something they share. And it hurts her to hear this, but Chara is being truthful with her. More than that, they're baring their honesty in a way she doesn't see them do almost ever. It's something she has to respect.]

... I understand. I just didn't want you to think I'd forgotten about you. Like I trashed you for something better. But... not everything works out, all the time. Not everything can.

[Because she thinks she knows what promise they may have made, if they disappeared just after Frisk.]

I don't want you to be forced into anything. And especially not into thinking you aren't-- well. Loved.

[She has her own issues with saying the l word out loud, but she can push it aside for Chara. It's used in another tense, see? Totally fair.]

[It's - okay, that's - that's too much. Loved, says the hardened space marine. Doesn't want them to think they'd been trashed for something better, like she knows how many times they watched their family trash them for something better. They open up a little, and she strikes directly at their weak points. They flinch away, recoil. Even if it's not the right answer, they just start to laugh.]

Pfft - how did we go from vandalism to a Hallmark card? I never took you for the sappy type at all!

[It's too much, too fast. Very much Frisk's style, but not Chara's. So of course they shrug it off. Don't take it too seriously. Don't let the mood get too real.]

Are you trying to make up for the sugar intake I missed out on by tossing the cupcakes instead of eating them?

[Thaaat's Shepard! She's an emotional wreck, but if she gives them advice no one will recognize how much of an emotional wreck she is at any given moment. Flawless.

But she snickers when they do, even if it's out of reflex.]

Eeh, wouldn't be the first time I got all sappy on you when you were just trying to do something dumb. I seem to recall getting into a pretty serious conversation while lying in a flowerbed about six months ago.

[Also, lord, was it 6 months? Shit. How long as she been this attached to this kid. So she shrugs, tries to keep it casual with her own nervous tics.]

I worry about you. So sue me that I have to show up and be super sappy every once in a while.

[...Six months? That - that can't be right, can it? How did so much time elapse without them being conscious of it? That can't possibly be real. Time stopped for them long ago. It can't be passing that quickly.

Moreover... how has she been around them for six whole months without getting sick of them yet? That's half of a year. That's, like, a twentieth of their entire lifespan. Again and again, they ask why she's still trying. Still wasting her time on a lost cause, on something that was doomed from the start.]

Pfft. No wonder Frisk likes you. Sap attracts sap, I guess.

[But not Chara, you know. Chara is completely sap-proof.]

They probably worry about me, too. Or worry about what kind of havoc I'll wreak unto others, I guess, if we're going to be more accurate.

[She crosses her arms, chuckling a bit under her breath.]

Or worry about what kind of havoc you'll wreak onto yourself.

[Okay, maybe that was a little too close. But she's not gonna let them totally derail.]

I know it's hard for you to trust me. To trust anyone. But I'm gonna be here for you when you're cool with it. Or even when you just need some help. Alright?

[Sap-proof, indeed.]

* IC Inbox

YOU RUINED MY LIFE TOO

GOOD, WE'RE BOTH DEAD just what shep and chara have always wanted haha

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