fulllifeconsequences

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Speak.

[Wow okay cool voicemail there Chara. Voice/text/video away to your heart's content.]

[A pause as Dipper stares at that and tries to figure out what they mean.]

You know it's really hard to figure out if you're joking or not sometimes.

I know. That's not a bug, it's a design feature.

You know I can just ask literally anyone else from your world right

Maybe they're in on it, too. Maybe bullet birthday cards are like drop bears for us, and we just like to mess with tourists.

Drop bears are real.

[DO YOU EVEN REMEMBER WHO YOU'RE TALKING TO?]

And so are bullet birthday cards.

If you say so. Can't be much worse than excessively glittery birthday cards.

[He will NEVER get all the glitter off his skin and out of his hair. He's just accepted this is the price of being Mabel's brother.]

Golly, Dipper. I think I now know exactly what I should do for your birthday.

[...bullets or glitter? If they thinks glitter is going to make Dipper do more than roll his eyes, they clearly haven't dealt with Mabel enough. If they mean bullets, then Dipper sincerely hopes bullet pattern birthday cards aren't a metaphor for just shooting someone.

Probably better not to ask.]

Yeah if we even bother celebrating it. Think anyone will buy that I'm 14?

I bet I could hook you up with a convincing fake ID. Does Wonderland even use ID for anything? I don't think anyone's enforcing a legal age on much of anything here.

[Note to self: Try asking closet for guns and cigarettes and a voting ballot]

I mean the bartender was trying to get me to drink even though I flat out told him I was underage. Though if you can make one that'd fool my grunkles, that'd be pretty impressive.

Never underestimate the things sheer determination can do.

And also a closet that magically gives you just... whatever supplies you ask for, I guess. That helps too. Think your grunkles would be convinced by macaroni and glitter?

Mabel already made those. They were... more effective than you'd think. Though we didn't try them on our grunkles.

They also had googly eyes.

Googly eyes. Golly, she pulled out all the stops. I'll have to step up my game if I'm going to match that!

She's a master of crafts. You don't stand a chance.

I refuse to be out-forgeried. Forgeryed?

I'll have to launch a counterfeit counterattack.

[......it's good that they're having fun.]

And now we're launching epic craft battles. What have I done?

Foolish, naive Dipper. If only you knew: I am a very dangerous person to give ideas to. Give me an inch, and I'll take a glitter-and-macaroni-covered mile.

Refrigerators and their magnets will surely tremble before you.

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