fulllifeconsequences

[DEAR GOD THEY'RE MAKING A MESS OF THIS ABORT ABORT.

One more text, after a long, uneasy pause full of starting messages, then immediately erasing them.]

Look. I have decided to respect your space, and will not push you unduly. You have complete control over the pace you want to set.

If you ever... I won't mind if you want to have Frisk at your side whenever we talk. Or Toriel. Or... Sans? He's very... Sans, but he's also powerful enough to stop me. Whatever makes you feel safer. I won't mind.

You don't have to respond to this.

Goodnight, Asriel.

[This text comes a few hours later, after he's had time to calm down and think things over. The more he talks to Chara, the more he can get used to them actually being here. The more he can understand that they aren't that soulless vessel that had been willing to tear him to pieces all in the name of power. Or maybe they just hated him at the time. He never knew the definitive answer.

He's finally gotten up from the garden, at least. Papyrus had suggested it was better for him to sleep in a room instead. But he still remembered to gather up the locket he'd thrown in a bush - not quite wearing it just yet, but it still lays detached at his side. And in his claws, he holds his phone.

If he had done what he'd meant to, before Sans and Papyrus came in the room, Chara would be talking to nothing but a pile of dust. Ha. Who's the morbid one, now?

It's even longer before he can really think of anything to say. Part of him just wants to leave it at that, but Chara's clearly suffering, too.]

Why is it hard to keep up a conversation with a goat?

They keep butting in.

[...Haha.

The night has felt incredibly long. They don't know if they're tired or scared or... or if they want to let a laughter that's more nervous but more free than it's been in a long time out of themselves. Please let this be okay. Please let this be okay. Please.

They're biting their thumbnail while they type, and they think maybe they're smiling, and they don't know if that's bad or good.]

Maybe, but at least their jokes are Asrielly funny.

[It won't be perfect. They might still fight or force space between the two of them, but he's not as much of a shambling mess as this all started. He's had time to think, to talk to others, and. Maybe the reality of Chara talking to him, like the real, warm human they used to be, is enough to settle some of those fears. They aren't that empty, LOVE-crammed vessel right now.

It's enough.

It has to be enough.]

I make a bad Sans though, huh?

Maybe you were just trying too hard.

[Another joke. They don't know if it's... they don't know, cheating or something, to skip to making jokes when they've barely scraped the surface of all the damage that's been done. Are they just pretending things are alright? They don't know how this sort of thing is supposed to go at all.

But it... their heart aches. The empty place where a heart should be? Something aches and feels full to overflowing. They missed this so much. They missed him. Whether it's cheating or not, it feels like they need this so, so badly. Please let this be okay.

Please let him be okay.]

But I'm pretty sure even Sans makes a bad Sans.

He's willing to try when it counts.

[Asriel knew that. Chara knew that. He isn't even sure if Chara had even gotten past him in the bad timelines, but... he's going to guess not, considering their reaction to his own 'ending'.

It's awhile before the next text comes.]

They took the knife away.

Asriel... who's "they?" What are you talking about?

[Chara doesn't understand. Is he talking about Frisk and the Real Knife? Can't be. How would he already know? In either case, whether it was a Knife or a Dagger, it had only ever been freely given. Dug out of the sand and given to Chara. Given back to Frisk. Given to Toriel. Never taken, right?]

[He has to be honest. Has to let them know how close he came. And if they stopped responding, he wouldn't just leave it at that this time. They were so close to an understanding now, so close to making things okay for once.]

Sans and Papyrus. They found me in the kitchen. I'm not really sure if Papyrus knew what I was trying to do, but he took the knife away from me. Sans talked to me. We all made spaghetti instead.

[In the kitchen. Where are the knives. Did he mean... he wouldn't. That's not Asriel. Frisk proved it's not kill or be killed, Asriel's beyond that. Asriel Dreemurr would rather die than hurt someone, even if they deserved it.

Then... the remaining option...?

Chara, you might not believe this... but I decided... It wasn't worth living anymore. Not in a world without love. Not in a world without you. So... I decided to follow in your footsteps. I would erase myself from existence.

And you know what?
I succeeded.

They taught him this. They went silent, and they made him do this.]

No. Asriel, no.

No.

Please no

I figured we had at least a few lives here, like a death wouldn't even really matter, would it? They say when you die, you forget a little more. And maybe I could forget what I said, forget you being upset or something

like i probably wouldn't even die it'd just be a good way to get some frustration out and

they stopped me from making a big mistake chara sans and papyrus they were still willing to talk to me even after everything i'd done to sans i'm okay i didn't do anything i'm okay

iim okay

[Oh my god! A good way to get some frustration out! He was going to do... he was going to do that just on the narrow chance he might forget that he said something Chara didn't like! They did this! They did this!!

And... and for what? They didn't answer because they were afraid. Upset. Couldn't keep a lid on their own emotions. While they were... were sitting around eating pie with Frisk, he might have been... god. Good god. They were feeling sorry for themselves, they were throwing some kind of selfish dumb pity party, they were making Frisk stick with them, and he...

Answer, Chara. Answer! Don't you dare fall apart again. Don't drive him to it twice.]

Don't ever follow in my footsteps again.

I promise I'll leave you alone. I'll let you have anything you want. I'll find a way to stay in this world for good so I can't ever True Reset. I'll let go. Please, please unlearn this. Please. I wasn't trying to punish you!

Don't. Don't go again. Please.

[They're upset again, they're freaking out again, hadn't they started to get better? Should've just left it as pretending to be Sans should have stopped the conversation there.]

i'm s

[Don't apologize.]

i won't. i won't do it anymore chara please don't go again

chara?

don't go again i'm sorry don't leave

[Their phone's going off, and the little noises feel like sirens carving into their skull. Don't be silent. Don't be silent. Silence did this. You did this.

There's Frisk, there's Toriel, but nothing matters more than Asriel. Than not being silent again.]

i told mom
please dont be alone until you're ok

it was a week ago im fine i promise i don't

i don't want you hurting yourself ok

please Asriel

I let go because you wanted me to. Let Frisk be happy let Frisk live their life. I thought it would help. I didn't want to make it worse all I do is hurt you all I do is make it worse!

Tell me what to do. Tell me how to ease your suffering not add to it. Tell me how to make it ok.

wait chara what are you talking about when

when did i say that????

The end. Everyone on the surface, nobody dead but me and six other nameless children.

[Asriel... a flower, but still alive. Alone, but still alive. What a happy ending, right?

Deep breath. Breathe. Keep breathing. Chara is nothing but a memory, in every sense of the word. Only heard it once, but listened. Held fast to it. Recall, recite. It's grounding to recite. To focus on repeating what others have said. To parrot from the script.]

Seems as if everyone is perfectly happy. Monsters have returned to the surface. Peace and propserity will rule across the land. Take a deep breath. There's nothing left to worry about.

Well. There is one thing. One last threat. One being with the power to erase EVERYTHING... Everything everyone's worked so hard for.

...

You know who I'm talking about, don't you? That's right. I'm talking about YOU. YOU still have the power to reset everything. Toriel, Sans, Asgore, Alphys, Papyrus, Undyne... If you so choose... Everyone will be ripped from this timeline... and be sent back before all of this ever happened. Nobody will remember anything. You'll be able to do whatever you want.

[He'd been thinking it. Over all the time he'd spent over their grave, feeling the slow deterioration beginning to consume his body, nerves numbing and feelings fading. Being left alone after everyone returned to the surface, he started thinking of exactly what to tell them.

But he'd never gotten that far. He actually did it, pushed Chara out of his life, told them to never come back, that they would ruin everything. At the time, he meant it. Stood by it. Was firm about that. But now?

They're here, scared for him, nothing like... that creature he'd seen in the bad timelines. This is different, very different.]

It doesn't mean that applies here.

[Trying to be calm, trying not to run off, himself.]

There's no Resets, no bad timelines, no

you don't have to leave ok.

You didn't believe I would do it. You thought you had already begged me a hundred times to let everyone be happy.

If I get past Sans. If I hurt you in a way worse than any other timeline hurt you. Then you were right. In our memory, Frisk's and mine, we stopped at him. Went back, and ended on the timeline where you ask this of me.

If you remember more than that, however, there are still bad timelines. There are bad timelines that go all the way to the end.

I can't lie and say that it won't have to happen, that we'll just be here and we can finally deviate from the script. Because I left here before. And I don't even remember it. And you know only a True Reset can really

I'm sorry I reacted the way I did. I panicked. How many timelines has it been? How many years?

I no longer know. I don't. But... don't apologize. You were not wrong. Your feelings are not wrong. They're yours.

Asriel. Let me ask you something. Do you believe there was a purpose to our reincarnation? That we were summoned here for a reason? That there is meaning behind the fact we still exist.

Because we're crucial to the script. Back there, at least. You can't remove an asset that keeps it going otherwise the universe starts grasping at straws, trying to find something to fill that void.

But here? I can't say. I don't know why this world wants us at all, or keeps adding and removing components.

I don't believe I'm essential to that world. Nobody knew I was there. Nobody acknowledged my presence. You only called my name when you saw emptiness and dust.

Here, I have had time to think. I have been told my purpose is not strength. I have been told what awaits in our world, should I ever return to it. True Resets. An ambition that is not enough to stop the endless looping. Punishment that does not actually discourage. I will not change, will I? I will be exactly what you believe me to be. We will all forget this. You will fear me. Frisk will not look to me as a friend, or someone meant to be part of their happy ending.

But here...

[They aren't entirely empty. Here, the refrain of "not really human" has died down, tapered off, become something different. Here, Frisk calls Chara their best friend, says they'd be missed. Here, it's not just... settling for a vicarious happiness. They're really part of the world, not just an interloper, a spectator, a parasite.

They have been given guidance, and they think... they might be responding to it.]

I think there is a reason. I think I have been brought here so... all of you can be safe. So maybe there is a chance to divert the world from the fate I would impose on it. Prevent a reset by force.

I don't think I want to go back, Asriel. I think I have a chance to figure out how to root myself to this world permanently, and I am going to do my best to make that happen. I do not know if I have the power to change in our world. I think I will become the very worst thing I can be, because you already remember me doing so. But here... maybe things really can be different.

Does that sound naive? Maybe I'm just making excuses. I would not blame you if you do not believe a word of it. But in this world, I don't want to be... I don't want to be the last remaining threat. I don't want to make you fear. I don't want to be the reason you erase yourself from existence.

* IC Inbox

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text - ssssuicide cw ha ha ha

text - YOU'RE A GREAT ROLE MODEL

text - LLLLLLLLORD HELP ME

text - THESE KIDS ARE ALRIGHT

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